5 Lessons about Marriage for Your Daughter

This past weekend, my husband and I attended the wedding of one of our daughter’s high school friends. Hayley was a bridesmaid and it was fun to see her walk down the aisle, even though she wasn’t the blushing bride. It made us realize though that her wedding will some day be upon us (we hope!) and there are some lessons we would like to make sure she knows before she embarks on the marriage road. Note that we want our two sons to learn these lessons too!

Lesson #1
Once you take those marriage vows, your spouse becomes the person you check with on decisions, large and small. Yes, your parents are still available for guidance and feedback (and love of course) but a married couple is a unit unto themselves and decisions should be based on what is best for that unit.

Lesson #2
Communication is the key to a successful marriage. A couple should be able to discuss anything and everything with each other. Being afraid or unwilling to talk to your spouse about health issues, money, or relationship concerns can lead to months if not years of unhappiness and spending too much time wondering what the other person is thinking instead of working out the issue.

Lesson #3
Be ‘OK’ with each other having ‘mad money’ that can be spent with no recriminations from the other spouse. Budget carefully to allow for this – i.e. monthly bills paid on time, money set aside for retirement or education needs, and a rainy day fund – and then set aside the ‘mad money’ with no questions asked.

Lesson #4
My mother always used to say ‘If momma ain’t happy, then no one is happy’. In today’s day and age, the same goes for dad. Child rearing is a joint task and duties should be divided on the parent’s strengths. One might be better at organizing and making sure that the kids get to school on time, the other might be better at helping with homework. Talk about it and review frequently to make sure both of you are enjoying the child raising, not just enduring it. And remember, take time for yourselves away from the kids. It ensures that you’ll still like each other when you end up ‘empty nesters’.

Lesson #5
This goes along with taking time out for yourselves with each other. Develop a common hobby and have friends in common. Whether you center your life around a faith community, a volunteer organization or an active outdoor activity, do something together and develop a close knit group of friends who share your values. You’ll appreciate the support if there are times of trouble and appreciate a group to grow old with.

What do you say to the children about Violence?

With today’s horrific events in Boston, MA, we are once again reminded of how fragile life is. We place ourselves in random every day events and wonder what would happen if a bomb went off or a shot rang out. Life must go on though, we cannot hide from it in our homes and hope that tragedy never happens near us.

As parents, we also have to decide how to discuss these events with our children. Our 21 year old son Dylan feels that his generation will be marked by the events of 9/11. Among his friends they divide themselves into those who remember what happened that day and those that don’t. Just as I’m sure another generation marked themselves by the attack on Pearl Harbor.

And it’s not just large scale bombings or terrorist attacks that need to be explained. There is always war news on TV and there are mass shootings of innocent people and the fear that we are not safe in our schools, shopping malls, theaters or other public gathering places. This can cause anxiety in children, an anxiety that could last a lifetime if not handled properly.

When the Newtown school shootings occurred, a wonderful story about Mister Rogers was in the Washington Post. The concept is so simple to understand, especially for young children – “Look for the helpers”. This is what I would tell young children – look for the people who are helping, whether they are in uniform or not. And those people will always be there, as witnessed today when video of the Boston Marathon explosions showed people running toward the source of the explosions. Those are the helpers. Knowing that there will always be someone there to help in an emergency will make a young child feel safer.

For older children, it’s not letting them get too caught up in the media frenzy that happens after these types of events. The constant attention paid on cable news, social media, and newspapers can be overwhelming. Know when to turn it all off and try to be there with your child to discuss what they are seeing on the news and how they feel about it.

Many people say we live in dangerous times, that things were better when they were kids. And yet, I have a friend in her sixties who remembers drills in case of nuclear attack and backyard bomb shelters. The 1960′s were marked by political assassinations and bloody civil rights riots while the 1970′s saw the Vietnam War played out nightly on network news.

Learning how to help our children understand and handle violent events will go a long way in helping them feel secure in the world.

Find other good advice from:
Parenting Press
American Psychological Association

Chocolate Matzah for Passover

Tonight marks the first night of Passover and is celebrated by a Passover Seder, a dinner with family and friends to retell the story of the Jews liberation from Egyptian bondage.  This story is told in the Book of Exodus.  Since the Jews had to flee Egypt so quickly they were not able to wait for their bread dough to rise.  Later, when the dough was baked, it was Matzah.  Traditionally Jews eat Matzah in place of bread during the eight days of Passover to remember this story.

In our house, we celebrate my husband’s Jewish heritage with a family Passover Seder where friends are always included.  A favorite treat for us to share is Chocolate Matzah.  I’ve included the recipe here for you all to enjoy.  Matzah may usually be found in supermarkets around Passover time, especially in areas with large Jewish populations.  Forewarning, this treat is addictive, you may end up eating the whole batch yourself!

Ingredients:

4 – 6 Unsalted Matzohs

1 cup (2 sticks) butter

1 cup firmly packed brown sugar

3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat over to 375 degrees.  Line a large cookie sheet with foil.  Cover the bottom of the sheet with baking parchment paper – on top of the foil.  This is important since the mixture becomes sticky during baking.

Line the bottom of the cookie sheet evenly with the matzah, cutting extra pieces as required to fit any spaces.

In a 3 quart, heavy bottomed saucepan, combine the butter and brown sugar.  Cook over medium heat stirring constantly, until the mixture comes to a boil.  Boil for 3 minutes, stirring constantly.  Remove from heat and pour over the matzah, covering completely.

Place the baking sheet in the oven and immediately reduce the heat to 350 degrees.  Bake for 15 minutes checking every few minutes to make sure the mixture is not burning.

Remove from the oven and sprinkle immediately with the chocolate chips.  Let stand for 5 minutes then spread the melted chocolate over the matzah.  While still warm break into squares or odd shapes.  Chill still in the pan in the freezer until set.

Celebrate Pi Day 2013!

Today Pi Day is celebrated around the world.  Pi (Greek letter “π”) is the symbol used in mathematics to represent a constant — the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter — which is approximately 3.14159.  Pi is learned by most school kids and then quickly forgotten as how many times in life are we called upon to state the ratio of the circumference of a circle to it’s diameter?

As I was thinking of Pi Day, I took a walk down memory lane and remembered the math contests my 7th grade teacher used to hold every week.  She would put a problem on the blackboard and the class had to work out the answer.  Once you found the answer, you stood up and who ever stood up first was the winner.  She would do several problems so several students would have the chance to come in first.  Being very competitive I always wanted to come in first, and I also always wanted to beat the boys in the class, which I did many times.  Before the start of 8th grade many of the boys transferred from the small Catholic school I attended to the public middle school in town.  This made math competitions far less fun and over time, I lost my interest in math.

This is typical of girls, around middle school girls somehow get the message that math is for boys and they move away from the subject.  But according to an article by Kavita Varma-Whit, a TODAY contributor, girls just need to stick with it, especially in math competitions.  Ms. Varma-Whit quotes a study published in the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization.  The study found that in math competitions with more than one round, girls performed as well or sometimes better than boys.  Read the whole article here.

What is the lesson here for you as a parent and for your daughter?  The same lesson that can be applied in so many situations – stick to it!  Whether that be a math competition, a sports competition or just sticking to a new habit for more than one day.  Trying once, not being successful, and then stopping can lead to a sense of frustration at never accomplishing anything.  And we all need to know we can be successful at something.